Given that I have an AARP card, I have zero reasons to visit GameStop. But, as the parent of a male teenager, I have no choice.
Sidebar: My kid is still a gamer and has 57 GameStop PowerUp Rewards points. Daddy requests that the GameStoppers don’t place him on the banned list because of my ill-informed observations.
I’m gaming illiterate. I accepted that. Fortunately, the GameStop employees are compassionate to my challenges. Little or no judgment. They talk slowly, never mention character names, and bypass any reference to Xbox Live.
I appreciate the GameStop employees. Santa would have never delivered gaming systems without their assistance. Thank you!
Here’s what I’ve observed during my many visits.
- GameStop employment requires at least one visible tat or piercing.
- The most knowledgeable staff wear sunglasses and a Mortal Kombat t-shirt.
- The employees think my name is “Dude.”
- There is no gender difference in gamer IQ.
- Used games are beautiful, especially when I’m paying.
- I will die before I understand who the hell is Zelda. Or Halo.
- After spending more than 10 minutes in the store, I start fantasizing about attending the next Burning Man.
- Most video game characters look like they failed anger management.
- I never leave GameStop without spending at least $50.
- The back room is where they keep unopened games and opened pot bags.
My kid leaves for college soon. That life transition means no more GameStop until I become a grandfather or need medical marijuana.