Mumblings

Register it Right

By April 29, 2022 No Comments

The baby shower is the only time during parenthood when the vortex is flowing in your direction. You need to surf wisely.

Too many parents take a mindless approach, also known as the Male Home Depot Syndrome, to creating a registry. That is, if you see it and you don’t know what it is or how to use it, then you need it.

I can’t argue against the “see it, must own it” philosophy. It explains why Amazon built a distribution center within one mile of my house. But, a baby registry requires a systematic battle plan.

The most important consideration for creating a baby registry is not what the child needs. Or what you want. It’s what the grandparents will buy.

If the child is the first grandchild, then the cash will flow. The first grandchild haze causes grandparents to forget that their newly annotated title comes with a cost – at least one grand. The kid will hurt your inheritance, but it’s worth the loss.

If you’re lucky, really lucky, you will draw four aces. That is, all four grandparents are rookies. And if there are wild cards, stepparents, and they too are rookies, then it’s the straight royal flush of baby gifts.

The fog will fade by the second grandchild. Instead of gifts from the grandparents, you’ll hear, “Why can’t you use what we bought for _________?”

If you want tangible gifts for the second child, then you better make sure it’s a different gender. This boundary-setting limit explains why same-gender second-borns usually need counseling.

To maximize withdrawals from the grandparent slush fund, you need to a divide and conquer approach. Never, never take all the grandparents shopping at the same time. It’s one banker at a time, and ideally, you should outnumber the banker.

If a grandpa-to-be fits the stereotypically male gender role, then you can assume they he will have little patience for the shopping. These grandpas are the big-ticket players – crib, dresser, and stroller. Especially stuff that requires assembly.

Take the grandpas shopping first and let them buy the big-ticket items. Then, let the grandmothers duel it out as far as accessorizing the kid.

Yes, having the grandmas battle it out may be ugly and result in neither grandmother talking to each other for years. Tough! If some grandma MMA results in a competition that benefits your kid and more important your pocketbook, cool.

Honestly, what’s more important? The mother-in-law’s being best buds or you getting free stuff? Like, duh. You had drunken, unprotected sex to make them grandparents, so they should be grateful.